Who's Flying This Plane?

I'm looking out the plane window today and feeling a little unsteady.

Parenting will do that to you. 

I knew I was boarding a flight marked Destination: Mom.  I heard the hatch click on her birthday and the engines hum and felt the sensation of movement and the rush of force as we took off. 

Now, as she enters the middle school years, we've hit 30,000 feet and I'm finally looking out the window for the first time.

Holy altitude, Batman.  I'm high up here in the thick of it.  There's no getting off this here plane and it's a blistering long way down.

I'm a mom, but thankfully I have a mom.  She logged many a miles with me as her passenger, so with full street creds she sent me the following email* today about my middle schooler, who has shed tears as of late and struggles with feeling like a misfit toy.  Boy, do I remember those tortuous marvelous middle school years like they were yesterday.

I feel good about how Madeleine sees herself and the world around her. When she was three feet tall and was visiting in the summer here in Houston, I took her to the public library for story time. I had never been there and did not know that it would be crowded and you had to arrive early to get a seat.

When she and I walked in my heart sank because there was a mob of little children, moms around the wall and well, what to do about that? After they gave very tiny Madeleine a carpet square to sit on, she looked over the situation for about 30 seconds, did not talk to me and marched right up to the storyteller in the front of the room and set right under her.

The moms were looking at me like…you allowed her to cut in front of my child! I ignored the stares and listened to the story. This is a very short example from years ago but very “Madeleine”.
1.      Nobody is going to rain on my parade.
2.      I want to hear this story and you are not going to stop me.
3.      Who cares what they think, I care what I think.
4.      I have the power to change the situation if I have an idea to do so.

She is a leader and not a follower. She will lead in great and interesting ways in the future. Oh, I hope I live to see this.  God has given her so many gifts. She knows that but she will have to figure out how to use those gifts and be a happy person.

I still remember the pain of it all. We are in the basketball stadium at Robert E. Lee HS, you had tears running down your eyes because you were not elected or chosen for some thing that you wanted badly. (Hey Mom, it was drill team officer.) I kept saying to you, ‘it is not your time’. And, it was not.  (Truly an example of God's mercy. No more splits on the football field in white cowboy boots. Ahem.)

Who wants to really compare lives, but if we ever could see into the future, you and I would see that you would get into Vandy early admissions even though the counselor said that you would never go there. That you would love college, learn to waltz, do well, actually pass physics (excuse me, three courses in physics! Art history major here!), impress those who taught you at Vandy so much that they would invite you to teach in Paris?  That you would meet a prince, work at the Smithsonian, marry, have 5 small near-famous children....

Life is hard and once you realize that it is not so hard, you wonder....who said that?

Oh growing up!!!

You are a great mom and wonderful person to talk to.  Lucky Madeleine.  Love, Mom.

*Biased grandma alert.

I guess there's no way to know the rest of the story in advance for any of my kids. There are many chapters yet to be written. Looking back on my life, I can only say it was grace, grace, all God's grace.  I really didn't know what the heck I was doing.

Still don't.

But I can look to where He's brought me and know it most certainly wasn't of my own efforts, brilliance, life strategy, or---dare I say it---the parenting I received during the middle school years. Whew, that's a relief.

Someone else is flying this plane, and I'm gonna have to look to Him for a steady landing.

If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, 

who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 

James 1:5

Lead me in your truth and teach me, for you are the God of my salvation; for you I wait all the day long. Remember your mercy, O Lord, and your steadfast love, for they have been from of old. Remember not the sins of my youth or my transgressions; according to your steadfast love remember me, for the sake of your goodness, O Lord!

Psalm 25:5-9